Penoptic

In light of my persistent unemployment and my friend T's polarly opposite dilemma, I am here posting. Again. By special request of T, who recently posted on my Facebook profile that she's bored and begs me to update. Thank you, T, for checking my blog. That makes ... two people this week. And yet, the site traffic monitor says nobody reads me. Take that, traffic monitor! It's amazing to me that T has time to be, as she says, bored. No offense to T, because she's wonderful and brilliant and beautiful, but I just don't get how it's possible. I'm currently unemployed, and yet the things that seem to fill up my day stagger me. There's laundry. There are dishes. There's food to make. There's the never-ending trail of dog hair that needs vacuuming. Not to mention there's gift-wrapping, packing for the weekend trip to celebrate a friend's birthday out of town, and the soon-to-follow Christmas pilgrimage back to the house of my youth and all the ...

Just taking a moment to say how happy I am that 'Saturday Night Live' is funny again. Granted, it has been for a few years now, but don't you remember those awful days of the '90s when America's oldest comedy skit show wasn't comedic? Hard times indeed. Favorite clip of the night: "This song reminds me of the time I got engaged. My girl came in and said, 'I'm pregnant.' I said, 'Great!' and then as soon as her back was turned, I ran out the back door. Then, a couple of weeks later, I decided to do the right thing by her, so I went back." Friend: "What changed your mind?" "Her mom got nominated to be Vice President of the United States." Video will be added as soon as it's up on the NBC website. What was less impressive, though, was Beyoncé as the musical guest. Not quite sure what happened there, but her performance fell about as flat as her shoes, well, weren't. The minor notes of 'If I Were A Boy...

A few weeks ago, my friend's great-grandmother passed away. She lived with her, and with her grandmother (great grandma's daughter) and though it wasn't entirely surprising, it's still been a sensitive time for the family. As it is for any family that experiences a loss. My friend E has been doing a lot with her own life lately as well, trying to balance her pending move to California to be with her husband, who is stationed there, and managing to send all of her things from Texas to the beautiful Sunshine State. And her family seems to be taking her move, and the passing of the family matriarch, in stride. Of course, it helps that the city clean-up is this weekend, and they want to get all of the great-grandmother's things out of the house in hopes of selling. So E has inherited a nice little pile of things that formerly belonged to her great-grandmother. She told me, "So I have scarves, old books that I wanted, a purse she had when she was younger, et cetera....

It was one week ago today that I realized the extent of my stupidity. And let me tell you, it's staggering. The place: Slider's Bar & Grill, across the street from Camden Yards in Baltimore. The time: Middle of the last presidential debates, approx. 9:45 p.m., Oct. 15. The company: My good friend M and several of her law school friends. I worked very hard with people of various ages and political persuasions in order to come up with this election year's Drinking Game for the debates. The rules were as follows: Every time McCain touts to veterans or troops, you drink. Every time Obama says “When I am President,” you drink. Every time McCain refers to the Cold War, you drink. Every time Obama says “change,” you drink. Every time McCain sounds like a puppet of Bush (a la “We Both Reached For The Gun” from Chicago), you drink. Every time Obama says “tax cut(s),” you drink. Every time McCain says “maverick,” you drink. Every time Obama says “John is right” or concedes a poin...

Don't you just love how McCain never, ever actually answers a question during these debates?

Me: God, I hate D.C. sometimes. Mom: Why's that? Me: Too small. And apparently there's something about me that attracts homeless and drunken men. Mom: What?! Me: Homeless men keep hitting on me on the subway! Today this guy came up to me and said, 'Hi, I was just wondering, would you like to have dinner with me sometime? About me: My name is Dan, I'm 43, and I've been clean for three months and thirteen days.' Mom: Well, Laura, everybody has needs.

You might think that being unemployed is a lazy, lazy life. You'd be wrong. Today, for example: I have to move my car to avoid getting ticketed. I need to clean the house before my housemate gets home. Then I have a phone interview - my third interview for the same position in almost a month. And still no guarantee that it'll get any further than this. And then there's the unpacking and washing that must be done from my job-hunting trip, which I just returned from last night. Plus a run to the grocery store, do something to entertain the dog so he doesn't shit on the carpet again, and the compulsory daily check of Monster, Reed, CareerBuilder, and Craigslist to see if there are any new job listings that I can apply to. And of course, if I manage to get a shower in, that's always good, too. Meanwhile, the interest on my student loans accrues interest every month. And as we approach the first of October, marking my last month of my 24th year and the fourth month of my...

It's a little frightening to me that the safest method of travel - by airplane - is by far the most expensive. It's almost as if the FAA, the government, and the airlines wanted us all to die. That's their gratitude for our keeping them in business for nearly 100 years. Not to mention, so many airlines (and airport staff) make traveling such a chore, such a burden, such a pain in the arse, that spending several days in a car, truck, trailor, cruise ship, or canoe to reach your destination is infinitely preferable. Your tax money hard at work, ladies and gentlemen.

A college mate of mine has gone missing from her apartment in New York City. Have you seen Hannah Upp? Reward for any information on the whereabouts of this 23-year-old Spanish teacher.

One year ago tomorrow, a film came out into wide release in the United States that, even then, I cringed at. The film was No Reservations , starring Aaron Eckhart (late of The Dark Knight where he plays the idealistic Harvey Dent who succumbs to his evil alter-ego, Two-Face) and Catherine Zeta-Jones, who hasn't needed much of an introduction since she burst onto the pop culture scene in 1998's The Mask of Zorro . The reason I cringed then was because I knew, as few of my contemporaries did, that this film was based on a German film from 2002 called Bella Martha , better known to English-speaking audiences as Mostly Martha . During the summer of 2004 I went on a foreign film frenzy; I devoured almost three per week, and that few only because Netflix doesn't offer same-day delivery. A friend of mine got me started on this frenzy by lending me Babette's Feast and Mostly Martha . These films remain two of the finest films I've seen in the last ten years, and Mostly Ma...

It's said that there are two kinds of people in the world; the kind who, if their house was burning, would save their Beatles collection, and the kind who, if their house was burning, would save their Rolling Stones collection. I've always been one of the former. I just never understood what people saw in the Stones. Sure, I've got a few Stones songs in my music collection - eleven or twelve, in fact - and you have to admit that, overplayed though they are, some of their songs are so emblematic that they embody not just a mood but an entire generation. That, I get. What I don't get, what I've never gotten, is the thought that Mick Jagger is sexy or a god of rock n' roll. I remember watching some TV show about him when I was 12 or so that had all these famous women he'd slept with, swearing up and down that they'd never met any man who was sexier. They juxtaposed these confessional interviews with concert footage of Jagger doing what I guess is supposed t...

What follows is an article I submitted privately today that will never see publication anywhere else. My lawyers tell me I still have the rights to it, so I'm posting here just for fun. Because as soon as anyone thinks of fun, you just know the words "private equity" aren't far behind. ~*~*~*~ If private equity had to choose a theme song, R.E.M.’s ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It’ would be a top contender. Henry Kravis, founding partner of the firm Kohlberg, Kravis and Roberts (KKR) might have had that song running through his head yesterday. Protesters from MoveOn.org , the Service Employees International Union (SEIU), and political and economic activists gathered outside of KKR offices in New York, Menlo Park, Calif., Hong Kong and London to voice their objections to the tax breaks and loopholes that private equity firms use to make billions of dollars on buyouts. Other protests, organized in 24 countries on six continents, according to the Global...

Always remembering how important it is to learn more about women throughout history who have totally kicked ass, I present: Cleopatra VII of Egypt. Yes, that Cleopatra. Hollywood has (and will likely continue to) tried to show us through extremely exorbitant and ornate sets and costumes exactly how rich, glamorous, sexy, et cetera, Cleopatra was, but she was also someone who really couldn't bear to be outdone in anything. While entertaining Marc Antony and his officers on her royal barge outside of Tarsus (now in modern-day Turkey) Cleopatra made a bet with Antony that she could consume a fortune in a single meal. The next night she put on another lavish dinner, and at the end of it Antony declared himself the winner, saying that this meal, while very nice, wasn't any more expensive or impressive than the one they'd had yesterday. To this, Cleopatra had a glass of vinegar brought to her. She took off one of her pearl earrings, estimated at "the value of fifteen countri...

Once upon a time, in a strange city called Washington , a young woman wandered out on a sunny morning to catch a bus to an airport called Dulles. Being a smart, careful woman with lots of common sense, she took her single suitcase, carry-on sized of course, and her laptop bag, and left more than three hours before her United flight was scheduled to take off. After all, she didn't want to be late. So she waited for the bus , which was scheduled to come pick her up at 10:10 But the 10:10 bus never came. The 10:30 bus never came. The 10:55 bus came -- at 11:05. The young woman began to worry when the bus didn't arrive at the airport until nearly noon. It turned out that her fears were well-founded. The evil airline would not let her board her flight, even though she arrived half an hour in advance. So she picked up the phone and talked to customer service, who told her there was nothing they could do and that she should call the booking agent. ...

The June Vogue beautiful photographs of Sarah Jessica Parker and her silver screen beau Chris Noth, photographed by Annie Liebovitz in some of the most beautiful dresses I've seen in a long time. All photos from Vogue. Look at that gold and black Lanvin silk dress. The way it folds and bends makes what could be a quite dull pattern of extremely wide stripes into something mysterious and elegant. And of course, the Louboutin pumps don't hurt, either. The Louis Vuitton luggage could easily steal attention away from Parker's beautiful Chanel suit that looks as chic and posh as if it were Audrey Hepburn wearing it. But for some reason my eye keeps wandering to the sparkling silver of the Chrysler building in the background. The blue-ish, sea green of that Nina Ricci dress is incandescent. I feel like I could drown in it! Raquel Laneri mentioned on her blog the "bondage criss-crossing" on this dress, and while that certainly draws your eye, what I love about it is r...

Summer is, was and will always be my favorite time of year. Something about the feel of the sun warming my hair just reaches down into my soul and makes me smile. Yes. I have a smiling soul. In California, summer can be measured in two ways - hot and hotter. There's 85 degrees hot, there's 95 degrees hot, and there's 105 degrees hot. Head out to Palm Springs or Lake Havasu, AZ, and you get 115 degrees hot. Sunscreen is a necessity, but there's nothing like it. For me, it's almost like the feeling I get when I'm sitting with a cup of my mom's fresh hot chocolate in front of the fireplace, watching the orange and red flames in their glowing dance. But there's one big difference between the two. Feeling the fire warming my skin and hair makes me feel like an old soul; even when I was seven or eight years old, I felt as if I'd been sitting watching fires for a thousand years (in the most non-pyro way possible). Getting that same feeling from the sun, tho...

I never realize exactly how settled I am in a place until I move from it. Suddenly, the small things I've bought out of convenience - the tool kit, the set of dishes, the photo albums, the filing cabinet - suddenly I have to put it all into neat little boxes, label them and send them off to some other place. It's only then that I realize that I have five sets of shelves than four feet high - for the kitchen, the laundry room, DVD and video storage, and two for books. This on top of the bookcase that's covered in books (six feet high, six feet long, one foot wide) and the small shelves that sit on top of my desk to provide extra storage space. It's only at this crucial moment that I actually realize exactly how many pairs of shoes I own. Only then that I see that buying endless picture frames from Ikea in an effort to get rid of the boxes of loose photos probably wasn't a very good idea, since the bubble wrap to pack them in will end up costing more than the frames t...

Confession time once again. I went with some friends to see the 'Sex and the City' movie on opening day. I am not ashamed. I am, as ever, insanely jealous of the wardrobe and accessories those four women get to enjoy. And of course, I certainly am jealous of those hunky, hunky men. Out of a crowd of about 30 at the 3:15 showing at the Carousel Center in Syracuse, a whopping three, by my count, were men. When we left the theater, people were already lining up for the next showing. Easily 70 people, most of them women, and most of the women in their fancy cocktail dresses, with perfect hair and make-up, and of course, really beautiful shoes. Like out of a show from Fashion Week. This show was sold out. The line trailed around the escalators and back to the ticket office - a good 50 yards at least. This show was clearly sold out. Only one man was in the line. His girlfriend stood next to him, looking around to see if they would open up the theater soon. The man met my gaze as I wa...

Okay, I admit it. When I was a kid, I watched 'Saved By the Bell.' And I thought Zack Morris was highly date-able. Then again, I was eight. Sixteen years later, flipping between CNN and 'The Today Show', I run across the SbtB College Years series finale: the Zack/Kelly wedding! This brings back numerous memories for me, from watching the show on Saturday afternoons to all the fan discussions I've had over the years. Like how Kelly treated Zack like crap. You know it's true - first she dumps him on the night of the big high school dance for a college boy, then in college she dumps him for ... a professor? Not even just any professor, but Patrick Fabian, the same guy who used to do the commercials for Ruby Tuesday's. Sounds like a girl who not only can't make up her mind, but also doesn't know a good thing when she sees it. Because in spite of everything, you know that Zack and Kelly were meant to be together. And how Kelly just disappeared after junio...

Today's thing is a poem by Robert Herrick. To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time Gather ye rosebuds why ye may, Old Time is still a-flying; And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying. The glorious lamp of heaven, the Sun, The higher he's a-getting, The sooner will his race be run, And nearer he's to setting. That age is best which is the first, When youth and blood are warmer; But being spent, the worse, the worst Times still succeed the former. Then be not coy, but use your time; And while ye may, go merry; For having lost but once your prime, You may forever tarry. Robert Herrick was raised in the post-Shakespeare era. Shakespeare was born in 1564 and died in 1616; Herrick was born in 1591 and died in 1674. Their lives were surprisingly opposed; Shakespeare was born in the small village of Stratford-upon-Avon in Warwickshire, more than one hundred miles from London, and he used his talents to get to London and make a name ...

A quote regarding a statue of the Virgin Mary in a mountain side grotto: "Did you know, no matter how bad the light is, no matter how long you stare at it, no matter how much drink you've taken, ..." "Go on." "That statue will not move a whisker." Taken from Ballykissangel, Season 1 (though in the UK and Ireland they say Series 1) finale, "Missing You Already."

How do you imagine they did that?

A quote on the institution of divorce: "You've got an old-fashioned idea that divorce is something that lasts forever. ''Till death do us part.' Why, divorce doesn't mean anything these days, Hildy. Just a few words mumbled over you by a judge." - Taken from 'His Girl Friday', spoken by the incomparable Cary Grant. Kind of puts things in a bit of perspective, doesn't it?

Tim Burton jaunts gaily along the fine line between genius and insanity in 'Sweeney Todd', and one must admire the way he makes you want to come along for the ride. Adapted from the Broadway musical of the same name, Burton and actor Johnny Depp pair for their sixth film together, bringing the vengeance-driven barber of Fleet Street to DVD earlier this month. Just as delightful as Depp and Burton is the supporting cast of Alan Rickman as the villainous Judge Turpin and Helena Bonham-Carter as the frugal Mrs. Lovett, who turns Todd's victims into the best-selling meat pies in London. Depp and company sing the music by Stephen Sondheim, who was a consultant on the project during filming. The score has left many other experienced professionals tripping over words and struggling to keep up, but Depp manages well enough in the role of Todd. He exhibits a mild range but an impressive emotive element blended with superb acting. Where some might focus too much on Sondheim's to...

To make you all laugh: A pancake shaped (vaguely) like a foot. Kind of reminds me of pictures of Chinese women who'd had their feet bound that I saw in my FemStudies class in college. Photograph (and pancake) by Zunera Mirza.

A quote for you to ponder as we edge ever closer to the Pennsylvania primary: "There are 340 billionaires in this country, and 40 million living below the poverty line. Wake up, 7-11. This is the third world." -- taken from Season 2 of Weeds

I appreciate artful film making. The clever shot, the subtle camera work, all these thing contribute to making a good movie. But sometimes even the most artistic director can go overboard. And in my opinion, no modern day film maker is guilty of this than Peter Jackson. I understand that the Lord of the Ring books were extremely detailed, and that to overlook any of them was to risk alienating a portion of the movie-going audience. It's the same problem that any director responsible for adapting any staple of pop culture, be it book, video game, or anything. But like the 'Harry Potter' movies, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet in order to keep your movies watchable. The Lord of the Ring movies were not horrible. They had great shots and a script that bore a remarkable resemblance to the original work. But they weren't perfect, and not especially deserving of the Oscars they were awarded. Each had their own particular problems, but the one they shared was length...

For Spring Break this year, the Goldring program (minus a few) went to Ireland, hitting up Dublin and Galway in about eight days. I'm working on chronicling the trip, but a very particular part of the trip stood out to me that I wanted to share. Before I went, a friend of mine at Newhouse told me about a friend of his who lives in Ireland. She's written travel books about Ireland and published a novel set in the place. Her name is Camille DeAngelis, and he gave me her email. Seeing as how this woman has pretty much accomplished everything I want to accomplish in life (substituting France for Ireland), I emailed her at once, and we had several wonderful conversations. She gave me tips for surviving in Ireland (including how to tip, and the general rule of thumb is, don't) and raved particularly about the shops on the island of Inishmore off of Galway Bay. Her travel book, Moon Ireland, further raved about the shops, saying, "The best is Sarah Flaherty's shop";...

The Abbey Theatre on Dublin's north side stands as an anchor of the Irish cultural experience. Founded in 1899 the Irish Literary Theatre by, among others. William Butler Yeats and Lady Augusta Gregory, the theatre has continued to perform new works as well as classic theatrical pieces, usually to great acclaim. One would think that a company with such a reputation, developed over decades, could put forth a masterful presentation of a guy playing the spoons. Spoon players might have been more enjoyable than the current production of 'Romeo and Juliet', directed by Jason Byrne, which closed on 22 March 2008. At the very least there might have been more sincere feelings from spoon players than what came from some of the performers. Shakespeare's lines were rehearsed to the point of being mere recitation rather than performance - Mercutio's Queen Mab speech feels more like a wind-up toy than one of the greatest mysteries in Shakespearian plays - and the main direction ...

Anthony Minghella, British director, writer and producer, passed away today, March 18, at approximately 5 a.m. of a post-surgical hemorrhage. He was 54. The BBC broke the news today. Their online article posted just before 2 p.m. GMT (10 a.m. EST) failed to include a Time Of Death, but the Associated Press, which posted the story at approximately 2 p.m. EST, reported that Minghella “was operated on last week for a growth in his neck”. Minghella’s first film was 1990’s “Truly Madly Deeply”, for which Minghella won a BAFTA (the British equivalent of the Oscars) for Best Original Screenplay. His other directing credits include “The English Patient”, for which Minghella won an Oscar for Best Director, “The Talented Mr. Ripley”, and “Cold Mountain”, all of which were nominated for at least one Oscar. Filming on Minghella’s latest film, “The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency”, finished in December 2007. The future of his other two uncompleted projects, “New York, I Love You” and ...

For those of you living under a rock this past Sunday, the 80th Annual Academy Awards aired on ABC. Though advertised as beginning at 8 p.m. EST, but it turned out this was just a ploy by ABC to get you to watch Regis Philbin for half an hour. Anyway, here are the Oscar winners: Best Picture: 'Atonement' 'Michael Clayton' 'There Will Be Blood' 'Juno' 'No Country For Old Men' Best Director: Julian Schnabel for 'The Diving Bell & The Butterfly' Jason Reitman for 'Juno' Tony Gilroy for 'Michael Clayton' Joel and Ethan Coen for 'No Country for Old Men' Paul Thomas Anderson for 'There Will Be Blood' Anyone noticing some repition here? Best Actor: George Clooney for 'Michael Clayton' Daniel Day-Lewis for 'There Will Be Blood' Johnny Depp for 'Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street' Tommy Lee Jones for 'In The Valley of Elah' Viggo Mortensen for 'Eastern Promises...

Chuck Thompson promises in his book Smile When You’re Lying: Confessions of a Rogue Travel Writer to dispense with the usual preaching that you find in books like Lonely Planet . Instead, he says, he wants to share “the most memorable experiences … [that editors say] always seem ‘too negative” to put into print. And for the first half of the book, he doesn’t disappoint. His stories about teaching English in Japan at 22, searching for coke in Alaska at 3 in the morning, helping a friend have “Korean sex” before getting married, all have a charm that’s so straightforward and honest that, though the material is rather frat-boyish with a healthy side of misogeny, it never occurs to you to hold it against him. After all, he's only reporting the reality of his experiences back to you. Rarely, if ever is he a willing, active participant. You fall for his upfront candor, rejoicing in his successes and keenly feeling his failures. Not only that, but he writes so convincingly that you have ...

There's a commercial on television for Orajel, a gel that's meant to cure toothaches. A woman sits in her living room talking about her tooth problem. She says, "It was worse than labor pains." Already I don't believe her.

It takes less than four hours to explore Los Angeles’ Olvera Street in its entirety. Most of it has disintegrated into tourist traps and specialty shops: Augusto’s Leather Shop, Catalina’s Imports, Rudy’s Gifts Imports, Ramon’s Imports, Mexican Imports, … you get the idea. Food peddlers sell the most interesting and (probably) most authentic items there. Taco stands fill the street selling bean and cheese burritos as big as your forearm and crunchy taquitos in spicy chile verde . As you walk up and down the street surrounded by Mexican kitsch, your eyes – and nose – are automatically drawn to La Golondrina café situated about two-thirds of the way to Cesar Chavez Avenue. The patio sheltered by a wooden roof painted deep maroon, wagon wheel borders and Victorian wired chairs whispers to you of bygone times. It looks more like the stylish 19 th century hacienda that it was built as in 1857 than the restaurant it was been converted into during the 1920’s. The second storey goes almost ...

Rogers & Hammerstein's 'South Pacific' was gloriously adapted from the Broadway play in 1958 with Mitzi Gaynor playing the role of Nelly Forbush the Nurse, which Mary Martin made famous on the stage. I remember watching the movie when I was growing up. I was utterly captivated by John Kerr as Lt. Joe Cable, Jaunita Hall as Bloody Mary (she's the girl I love! Now ain't that too damn bad?) and Rossano Brazzi as Emile de Becque. I still sing 'Dites-Moi' absently in the shower. The first fifteen minutes were enough to keep me watching for over two hours. How can you not love a group of horny sailors, led by a balding, tattooed Luther Billis and a 7-foot-tall baritone named Stewpot, singing: There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here That can't be cured by putting him near A girly, womanly, female, feminine dame! Come on, you know you love it. They're just freaky enough to keep you watching. The perfect middle ground between 'An Of...

The British Academy of Film and Television Arts, also known as BAFTA, is the British equivalent of the Oscars, and tonight on BBC America their awards ceremony aired in the US. Delayed only by that nasty little time difference. Here are the winners: DIRECTOR Joe Wright - 'Atonement' Paul Greengrass - 'The Bourne Ultimatum' Florian Henckel von Donnersmark - 'The Lives of Others' Joel & Ethan Coen - 'No Country for Old Men' Paul Thomas Anderson - 'There Will Be Blood' ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Diablo Cody - 'Juno' Steven Zallian - 'American Gangster' Florian Henckel von Donnersmark - 'The Lives of Others' Shane Meadows - 'This Is England' Tony Gilroy - 'Michael Clayton' ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Paul Thomas Anderson - 'There Will Be Blood' Joel & Ethan Coen - 'No Country for Old Men' David Benioff - 'The Kite Runner' Ronald Harwood - 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly' Christopher H...