Things Mothers Should Never Say
Me: God, I hate D.C. sometimes. Mom: Why's that? Me: Too small. And apparently there's something about me that attracts homeless and drunken men. Mom: What?! Me: Homeless men keep hitting on me on the subway! Today this guy came up to me and said, 'Hi, I was just wondering, would you like to have dinner with me sometime? About me: My name is Dan, I'm 43, and I've been clean for three months and thirteen days.' Mom: Well, Laura, everybody has needs.