I thought yesterday, leaving my home and beginning this trip to California, would be the most difficult part of the trip. Today seemed even harder.
It's probably a sign of the company I've kept today that that last line is causing a few giggles. But, moving on.
Today (or rather, yesterday--Saturday, Oct. 4) was my first full day of this trip to California. I spent it in Narberth, Pa., and Philadelphia. The weather today was lousy, and I took the opportunity of it being both rainy and a Saturday to sleep in quite late. When I finally did wake, it was in fits and false starts before finally being tempted with K's delicious breakfast of eggs, bacon and sourdough toast. I have to admit, that was even enough of a bribe to face the two voracious dogs (who, it must be admitted, stole quite a bit of my share of bacon from directly off my plate.)
Eventually I found the willpower to shower and take the train to Philadelphia to meet S, another dear friend. I considered S something of a wonder when we were in college together. Although I was technically "older" (a year ahead in school of people who might technically be older than me, thanks to a fluke of California education laws and a couple of parents who I'm guessing were more determined than anything to just get me out of daycare already), I must admit that there were many students in the years below me who were eons ahead of me as far as travel, cultural exposure and human understanding go. S was certainly one of these people. She had an implicit empathy for everyone she met, it seemed to me, and could divine, comprehend and react to any situation with grace and class. This is such an enviable skill, especially to someone like me who seems to have an endless talent for saying exactly the wrong thing in almost any situation. Over the years I've come to understand that S's gifts have come from the singular advantages of her life, and to recognize the breach between her own upbringing and mine, which extends from exposure to legal knowledge to the plucking of eyebrows. I don't think she knows how much she has affected me and my understanding of myself, my own upbringing and the world at large just by her existence. When we were in school together I found her quite intimidating, but I wanted to be around her as much as possible so I could continue to learn from her (I could hardly have let her intimidation frighten me off, especially since I found most of the people I ended up in school with to be extremely intimidating.) Now, 12 years after we first met, I find her to be far more human--not flawed, just understandable and relatable on a level I don't think I could have managed when I was younger.
S and I passed a wonderful, low-key afternoon and evening together, and at the end we hugged endlessly and I am so sad to see the days pass where she was only a train ride away. But unfortunately, other goodbyes followed in the evening which were even more heartbreaking. Yet that goodbye to S was something special, at least to me. We were out of touch for many years between our college years and the recent months, but she never stopped being a person of admiration to me--not an object, an inanimate, flawless thing, but a person, with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations but the promise of tomorrow to sustain her. S was and is someone who always managed to fill me with hope for a better tomorrow, and I must admit, that is something I really need right now.
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